I
had the strangest dream …
I was a close friend of President Obama’s son.
But I was also a general ne’erdowell, whom everyone adored, but who frequently
ruined things in which I was involved. I went to a dinner party, at the
White House, wherein the Obamas were meeting Monique – half owner of PetCo (who
looked exactly like one of my co-workers, and who was wearing a suit once owned
by Princess Di). There was talk that Malik and Monique would soon be
engaged.
Michelle,
who was dressed like Lucille Ball, gave me a hug, and seemed so genuinely happy
to see me. I felt really loved.
And
then I was alone in one of the rooms of the White House, and I really had to
pee. So, I started peeing in a potted plant. A staffer came in and
politely asked me to take it down the hall. The NSA was requiring
everyone to give urine samples, which was convenient since I had to pee so
badly. But I was in a rush, and forgot my cup. Once in the
bathroom, I peed in an old lady’s purse, and then stole her L.A.M.B. bag, so
the NSA wouldn’t be suspicious.
At
some point in the course of running around the White House with this leaky
purse of pee, I found myself in a section of the West Wing that looked exactly
like O’Hare Airport (isn’t it called Daley now?). It would have been
perfectly ordinary, except that there was a store, called Professor’s Locker at
both ends of the moving sidewalk.
So,
then I realized I was late to pick up Adam to attend the Democratic National
Convention. I was supposed to pick him up at noon, but it was 6:36PM when
I left the White House. I don’t recall actually picking Adam up, so I
presume I forgot him. Nevertheless, I was at the DNC, which involved a
fashion show.
It
turns out, Professor’s Locker is like a Foot Locker meets Sharper Image (with a
hint of Sky Mall), and Janet Reno was the spokesperson (and model). For
some reason, I kept calling her Ruth Bader Gingsburg. She was telling
anecdotes about Sandra Day O’Connor.
And
then Rick Perry came to the dais. He spoke, at length. His wife,
Michelle Bachman, was there – with an air horn.
And
then I woke up … to a rooster crowing.
